Stag Night

I once f*cked and old docker in a back ally in Antwerp, it was disgusting, but I wanted a 'Genet' moment and I certainly had it, he was hairy as f*ck and built like brick sh!t house. It was a very oddd experience and one I would not wish to return to, but paradoxically pleased to have done. He went on about the Flems and French Belgiums, blah blah blah blah.....................more blah blah blah blah. Now that I think about it now this was why a f^cked the b&gger, just to shut him up. I think he was a flem and certainly liked his dirty s$x. Oh and then there was the time with a young guy in a toilet in ajazz bar in Liege. I have no idea if he was Flem or French, but he was very good, we eneded up in a cheesy disco, but thats another story, umm, Belgium might not be a bad idea.

Nancy

Stag night

one last throw .................. dont think so do you think these trips toBrussels are purely business I prefer the French Belgian the flemish are souptight and obsessed with fetish I m not dressing up as a baby for noone.

Miles

Stag night

> The souvenir shop at Auschwitz could be fun I take that as a 'No' to
> Krackov then ?

Stag Night

I can't believe this, first you want me to cavort with Polish birds who look like a fading drag queen and now you want me to go to Auschwitz, which is a bit of a bus mans holiday for a jew boy like me. Followed by the 'Traces of Jewish Culture' tour which is pretty much all you can expect after Auschwzits. Salt mine looks like a barrel of laughs, Polands answer to Butlins, book us in for a week. I think that it's an outrage that you should be organising the stag do yourself, where's the fun in all this? I always thought that this was the best mans job, but then I'm a bit old fashioned. F*ck me 'traces of Jewish culture' it takes the biscuit.

Norman

Meat is murder

We were travelling back from a festival headlined by Morrissey on theweekend who was excellent when a woman sat next to me on the train andthings got quite odd She was one of those people who feel the need to touch you everytime theyspeak . She was quite literally obsessed with Morrissey she was complianingabout his shoes preferring him in a pair of grey trousers had that he wearsnormally without pants. How does she know this ? it was quite disturbing inthe short train journey I learnt that she was a dinner lady her husband hada six pack and was in the police force despite that fact that she had aninterest in selling dodgy videosShe reminded me of that character off Catherine Tate 'You are not going tobelieve what happened to me .......................' Frankly I thought she was up for a bit of train you know what just imagineit getting to her stop and her husband catches you . Mind you policemantheres a thought.

Miles

Joke

Stallone, Schwarzenegger, van Damme, and Seagal are sitting in a pub discussing upcoming projects.
Stallone says "why don't we do some sorta action movie about classical composers? I've always fancied playing Beethoven."
"Brilliant" says van Damme. "I'm sure I could play a mean Tchaikovsky."
Seagal nods and says "I've got Rimsky-Korsakoff down pat, guys."
Schwarzenegger finishes his beer and says...

Oliver

Stryker

We are talking Argos here not Selfridges I expect there will be some cheapimmitation trees and some spotty urchin who will occassional pop in toprovide Santa with some lukewarm machine coffee Ah yes I did enter into a kind of Film Club with Martin where we used tolend each other films and review them bit like a book club for film buffs I still have his copy of Shaving Ryan s Privates a clever pun on the MegRyan classic. Ill do some research into getting the bootleg of Santaalthough Ebay has prooved a bit fruitluss just keeps trying to sell meeither Cumin seeds or Santa costumes.

Norman

Stag night

Krackov could be fun the only problem is there are to many Polish men with their badly made-up girl-firends over here, so god knows what it would be like over there. A Saturday night on Wokingham High St. I guess. Might as well go the whole hog and treat yourself to night out in Reading, I understand the lap dancing at Polski Gospoda on the Oxford Road is good, open 8 till late Monday to Saturday. Dress policy of fake leather jacket, pony tail and unnecessary facial hair a must and I'm talking about the birds, you should see the blokes, branded trainers are strictly not allowed, dodgy eastern fashion sense a must, I now see why you might feel so at home. It's you stag night, why be cheap, you,ve been doing that for the last fifteen odd years since I've known you and probably beyond, but I could not comment as it was before my time. I think what you said the other day about a group of people nt really knowing each other need to be given some thught and if all you want to do is go out and get rat ars@ed you can do that in your local park witha crate of White Lightening and still hace change froma fiver.

Stryker

My friend Martin has an extensive collection of male erot!ca and I don't believe he has a copy of 'Santas Cummin' but I am certain that he'd be interested in a bootleg copy, perhaps you could supply him with one. Just out of interest will Argos be supplying a full on grotto for the kids to play in?

Norman

Stryker

> Stryker was your g@y for pay - although Im not sure whether he was paying
> for it or the production company was. He was paid well for his alluring
> voice so he claims
>
> Strykers latest film 'Can I be your Bratwurst please' sees him back on form
> after a period of languishing in adult film mediocracy. According to my
> sources he reached the pinnacle of his career in Powertool 2 : Breaking out
>
> Funnily enough Ive applied to Wokingham council to be the next Santa in our
> recently refurbuished Argos store. Its a part time role Saturdays they do
> a full check on your personal background to ensure your intentions are
> purely festive - Im looking forward to inviting customers along for a lucky
> dip and utilising some of the techniques employed by Jeff in 'Santas
> Cummin'

Stag do

> I have been discussing possible venues for a Stag do later in the year
>
> the suggested venues are:
>
> Bath - could be quite cheap to get too but expensive drinking
>
> Krackov(Poland) - would cost about 150 - 200 quid to get there plus
> accomodation but drinking would be very cheap and possibly more interesting
>
> Id be interested in a preference

milly

Jeff

I always thought that Stryker preferred an old fashioned suppositorty delivery system being a b*m bandit or was he one of those pay for g@y fellas who take a rodger up the back passage for a packet of peanuts and half a dozen sessions on a sun bed. I used to crew a on a Halburg Rassi Yacht called Stryker that was named after the big man himself and I have to say that the owner was a complete c u next tuesday. He was a Dr who worked in an STD clinic in London until he was sacked for paying a little to much attention to a black mans todger, but thats another story. I've been looking at the Wokingham Times personals and I think that I have found David (Berks Guy 6), I don't know why but there something about BG6 that screams David about him, perhaps his message 'Sexy guy looking for some adventure in his life..' A little more than adventure from what I hear, each to their own. How are the pay for play girls these days?

Stalker

The text stalker has been at it again over the weekend with talk of ladies pants and Jeff Stryker making an appearance at the local Budgens with a ten year old on his lap. I have no idea who Jeff Stryker is but anyone with a eight year old on thie lap in a convenience store has to be dodgy, especially when they are dressed as Santa in middle of June. I tried to find out which Budgens Santa Stryker was appearing, but to no avail as there doesn't seem to be one in Wokingham and there was nothing in the Wokingham Times whats on section. Although I did find something in the personals about a six foot one guy wishing to meet physicall fit romantic date for training together for a marathon, general jogging, shopping for treadmill and possible internet project. Mmm. Should I call?

Nancy

Mankini

I was out lunchtime with some the Fianaial Director running and he was
> telling me how he is into Hashing. I initially thought that he liked a toke
> on the old wacky backy but found out that its a club in the UK who describe
> themselves as The Drinking Club with a Running problem. The idea is to gain
> a thirst by running cross country to the nearest boozer and getting
> sloshed
>
> The template for a hash run is loosely based on hare hunting. One or more
> hashers (the 'hares') lay out a running trail, that the rest of the club
> (pack or 'hounds') follows. The trail may include false trails (check-backs
> or CB), short cuts (or splits), breaks, and checks (a marking on the trail
> that requires the pack to search the area to discover the correct direction
> of the trail. These features are designed to keep the pack together
> regardless of fitness levels or running speed.
>
> This sounds fantatstic and far better than just ploding the streets on your
> lonsesome.

Miles

Text Stalker

I'm being stalked by text, it all started innocently enough with a playfully worded text about yoga, but seems to have entered dangerous territory. And I now live in an on-going state of perpetual fear. I have no idea who it could be as it is easy to remain anonymous when sending text messages. Particularly as mobile phones can be bought over the counter, with chav as you go deals. This has clearly appealed to whoever it is making my life a life a misery. I had thirteen text last Friday in the space of an hour and they were at it again over the weekend.



Here’s a taster:



Bought a drill can’t make a decent glory hole with a Swiss knife out early on Sunday morning doing the rounds in Wokingham scored in Elsm road b*g and had a very nice time in the lift near by avoid Rose Street becuase of the pay and display.

Idea for a web site www.runnersc*ck.com ur kn*b shrinks after a run photos of them on the site part of the fantasy is how big they are normally could be awanking off customers on Isla Blanca Air.

Receiving any kind of unsolicited, malicious message is unpleasant to say the least and frankly it’s got to stop and whilst I feel like responding in kind I will not do so. Rather collect the evidence before going to the police. Funny thing is it he poor punctuation reminds me of someone but I can’t quite put my finger on it.



Nancy

Cynthia

I was doing a bit of hoeing in the garden atr the weekend and managed tohurt my Cynthia in the process. However, always seeing the positive thingsin life my research on the internet took me to quite a few interestingwebsites in particular a strong rival to Ramone and his monsters site .Check out Freak of Chock (remove the H) .unbelievable Does anyone know any good exercises for lower back pain.

Miles

Bruce

Bruce was thew Nigerian PC man who basically took all the software of mymums PC and sold it and now the PC runs like superfast despite having noapplications on it. She has had him round again (although the second timeit wasnt for PC issues) As for Lawrence of Arabia Im afraid the professional golfer has jumped inhis shoes. Old Youssif didnt have much cash to splash and a certain problemwith body hair. Jeremy this new bloke shes seeing is a professional golferand is loaded he has some convenient offices located in canary wharf -ideal for a supersise game of crazy golf around the tower blocks I have met him although arun sweaters draped over the shoulders and Gantwaterproofs arent really my bag

HEADMASTER SYNDROME

We had our sermon preached to us yesterday not by the usual vicar he wasaway on an outward bound course with a group of 16 year old boys. Histemporary replacement was an ex headmaster from a dreadful comphrenhensiveschool locally. He was northern and sounded like he was talking at someTrade Union conference fro Miners rather than a bunch of nice middle classchristains. 'Aye up Jesus walked up to Romans and said Bye eck Ill take mebelt off and me trousers will fall down' The thing about headmasters is they always have that air of authority aboutthem usually as a mask to hide their kiddy fiddling Anyway the new 'friend' of my mothers is sniffing around again. I reallythink his ex wife is cleaning him out in court because instead of abirthday card he sent her an email in which he had copied the words fromthe card he claimed he was going to send . She showed the email it to meand the senile old g1t had clearly chosen the words from an illfitting cardit said 'Sorry to forget your birthday but Ive copied the words from the card I wasgoing to send so here goes HOPE LUCK IS ON YOUR SIDEGOOD LUCK WITH THE DRIVING TEST Anyway, they are meeting next week. Hes taking her to meet some of histheatrical friends in a French resteraunt up West - well thats assuming hisminor operation goes ok next week (bit of a nip and tuck I believe) .

New Balls

Stallone, Schwarzenegger, van Damme, and Seagal are sitting in a pub discussing upcoming projects.
Stallone says "why don't we do some sorta action movie about classical composers? I've always fancied playing Beethoven."
"Brilliant" says van Damme. "I'm sure I could play a mean Tchaikovsky."
Seagal nods and says "I've got Rimsky-Korsakoff down pat, guys."
Schwarzenegger finishes his beer and says...

Oliver

New Balls

A chap who I sit next too had a Vascetomy yesterday. Its gone wrong and hephoned to say his balls were the size of melons and red. He has sufferedinternal bleeding and now needs to have it drained and will be off workuntil he can get his trousers back on again This might be useful in some professions but not when your sitting at adesk alll day I have never known this to be a successful operation. Another chap had itdone here and was limping like Old father Tom down the corridor. I dontthink its wise to start tampering with this area. After all you dont call aplumber unless you have a leeking pipe do you? I think its a way of controlling men actually. Several people I know havehad the snip and their marriage has fallen apart a few months later. Iwould be more concerned about becoming more feminine and start dresssing inwomens clothes and become interested in poetry than anything else Worth assessing the situation fully before you make that committement.

Miles

Cats that look like hitler!

I have been made aware of the attached website which is very funny. Have alook at the comments section where individuals have expressed their offenceat the material and the FAQ section where a guy is uninterested in thecontent but more interested in what software was used clearly with theintention of setting up a similar website himself.

http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com

Secondly, I saw an advert on tv at the weekend for a company called RED whowill train you to become a driving instructor you can work any hours youfancy and earn up to 30 K - not bad if you could fit it around your normaljob You can imagine it now grab hold of the gearstick and put it into 4th....thats not the gearstick sweetheart shall we pull into thei Travel lodgefor a bit of theory

Recomenation

Some of the old Yogis it was said could float on water whilst in the Fishpose What a load of old t0ss As for the aspiring PM weve had a restructure and theyve disbabded the roleand created American job names Im now Vice President of Scheme Management.

Niles

Recomenation

You and your hippy bandhas..... What's wrong with some honest, English star-jumps and jogging on thespot? If it was good enough for Monty in the 2nd world war, it can begood enough for an aspiring IT project manager in Wokingham.

Boom Shanka,Rainbow.

Recomendation

May I recommend that you learn a little about the three classic band has they are

Mula bandha
Uddiyana Bandha
Jalandhara Bandha

I have been practising these for some time now and it really raises theenergy levels especially Uddiyana Bandha just make sure your bladder,bowels and stomach is empty. otherwise the energy is taken away from the digestion Quite simple when you get used to it and a lot better than taking Pro Plus.

Miles

Cruise

My mothers Impressario 'friend' that we discussed prior to the BalticCruise is sniffing around again. He wants to go out for dinner AGAIN.Being a modern woman she feels its her turn to splash out on this dandy So what Im looking for is ideas. He took her to L'Ortelan last time whichis a Michelin star resteraunt in Reading its superb if you like you foodpiled into a heap and need a donor kebab afterwards as the portions are sosmall However, she doesnt want to go mad so somewhere local between a Little Chefand a Toby Carvery would be ideal. This chap as I have described before is not short of a bob. He has a rathernice Georgian Mews in Gerrards Cross and a beach side apartment in one ofthe Cape Verdi isles. I said to her play your cards right with the choice of meal and you mightfind yourself sipping Daquiris on his sun kissed terrace hideaway beforeyou know it Mind you Im not sure how his court case is going over the disappearance ofhis 4th wife.

Miles

Dorothy

Dorothy L Sayers once quoted that 'Time and trouble will tame an advancedyoung woman but an advanced old woman is uncontrollable by any earthlyforce' which brings me nicely onto the update of the Baltic Cruise Well the first issue seemed to be the couple she went with . Not contentwith their own food they kept transferring to each others plate It put my mother off her food. The woman she went with was not intodressing up in the evenings which is part of the holiday forget where thecruise is going if your not in the latest Karen Millen frock forget it.This woman wore laddered tights and A line Kilts down to dinner everynight Her husband (well I say her husband I mean her boyfriend of 20 yearsyounger ) carved his bread with a knife not good in my mothers book Well it all ended in a huge row. They left my mother on her own with an oldqueen who worked the Martini Bar doing Dusty Springfield covers who onceclaimed he was employed to kill off Colin in Eastenders for 3 epsiodes in1985) most nights By week 2 the younger husband had ran off with one of the kitchen porters .My mother ended up having to catch a cab back from Harwich to Wokinghamafter the cruise as by this stage she wasnt talking to the couple she hadgone with She vows that she will neevr go with this dreadful woman again. they havespoken since and the woman has separated from her husband and has sdpentthe last few days in bed after catching food posioning from a dodgyMcdonalds burger on the way back from the ferry Next time my mothers off on a Group tour.

Miles

Davids petrol rant

See what you think and pass it on if you agree with it

We are hitting 123.9 a litre in some areas now, soon we will be faced with paying 2.00a ltr. Philip Hollsworth offered this good idea:

This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the 'don't buy petrol on a certain day campaign that was going around last April or May! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to hurt ourselves by refusing to buy petrol. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them. BUT,whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work.

Please read it and join in!

Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a litre is CHEAP, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the market place not sellers. With the price of petrol going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of petrol come down is if we hit someone in the pocket by not purchasing their Petrol! And we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. Here's the idea:

For the rest of this year DON'T purchase ANY petrol from the two biggest oil companies (which now are one), ESSO and BP.

If they are not selling any petrol, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an impact we need to reach literally millions of Esso and BP petrol buyers. It's really simple to do!!

Now, don't wimp out at this point... keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I am sending this note to a lot of people. If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300)... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) ... and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers! If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it... ..

THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!

Again, all You have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all.(and not buy at ESSO/BP) How long would all that take? If each of us sends this email out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!! Acting together we can make a difference . If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on.

PLEASE HOLD OUT UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE 69p a LITRE RANGE

It's easy to make this happen. Just forward this email, and buy your petrol at Shell, Asda,Tesco, Sainsburys, Morrisons Jet etc. i.e. boycott BP and Esso

Question

Poncy pubs!

Nancy

Question

Have you ever been to one of the following Filthy Mc Nastys in Islington,The Hawley Arms in Camden, Jazz after Dark in Soho if so any comments.

Miles

Shipping News

Not wanting to turn this story into a nautical nightmare but my mother iscurrently halfway through a cruise which takes in Sweden Finland and Russia It seems she has befriended the Captain of the ship after meeting him atthe Captains Ball a couple of nights ago. It was a themed affair Master andSlaves she sent me a text photo of her being dragged round the danceloor bya dog collar, Orange in mouth whilst Captain Birds eye stood behind her,his stilletoes resting on her back - so there she is half way round theBaltics with a cross dressing Man of the water as new flame Meanwhile Fionas new date from Richmond - I saw him last night while I wasround there mowing the lawn. Think looks of Richard Madely personallity ofRussell Grant - a vicious cocktail if ever there was one patronising butcamp luckily he did nt ask me my star sign Got a wedding photographer organised hes an expert in weddings but alsodoes Gonzo muckly adult movies so expect lots of phrases to the bride like'Work it cmon baby moan'

Bubbles

Having spent most of Saturday in bed with exhaustion I spent the rest ofthe weekend in a depressive slump at home. However, in doing so I am nowcompletely obsessed by Canadian Crooner, Michael Bouble The exhaustion was caused by going to the gym every day last week. Its justtoo much and the old problem of Chalfont St Giles have returned as wellfrom lifting weights Clearly its far better to drink copious amounts of Pinot Noir with the oddbout of Asthanga than prancing around a gym in a lycra one piece causingall kids of straining Ive let my lesson safe to say.

Nancy

Something for the weekend

When Im having one of my bouts of OCD, the Mrs tells me Im doing the OCDDokey (a clever pun on Okey Dokey ) which I find quite amusing Anyway, one of the events for the weekend is a cheese rolling chase inGloucester. Basically they roll a lump of cheese down a hill and a bunch ofmaniacs chase the cheese and often end up rolling down the hill Anyone fancy it? On a different note have any of you heard of the Houston 500 - have a lookat it on the net I think its some kind of Grand Prix.

Miles

Advice

For goodness sake don't let them know you are straight!Your reputation will be tarnished for good

Andrew

Advice

How very true they'll use it against you if they can.......

David

Advice

If theres one piece of advice I can give you in the workplace is to be veryselective about what you tell people. I have fallen foul to this on severaloccassions in a moment of weekness but its better than others no as littleas possible about your personal life No need to be rude just be very vague or lie.

Lamb Bhuna

Please note this is not a knitting circle note depsite the fact that itsthe same people with similair content Did any of you watch Bareback Mountain last night about a couple ofcowboys. I dont know if my hearing is going but I couldnt inderstand themas for all that grunting and groaning it was too much for a Sunday evening Fionas got a new man Farooq has been told to go drown himself in the Valleyof the Kings and this new fellow from Richmond(well I say Richmond I meanEast Sheen) has appeared on the scene Well apparently hes a professional golfer drives a four wheel drive and isa bit handy with the Yoga . He apparently was round the house and after 1or 2 Magners was performing headstands and diaphrammatic breathing in thedrawing room all this after a Lamb Bhuna Still sounds like hes stinking rich so Ive told her to stay friendly and asthe Farmer said to his young stable boy about some a Jessy the Cow 'Milkit'

Milie

Yoga David

she does I think she finds it quite amusing she calls him my boyfriend.

Miles

Yoga David

I would go for the full monty if I were you, bannana crushers all the way,balls ahoy, hey hey. by the way, does the misses known that you hangarournd the changing rooms with pervey poofters in speedos and saggingleggins?

Nancy

Yoga David

> Yoga Davids asked me to go swimming with him tonight judging by his> blogspot Ill end up on there with an entry such as>> 'I went acquatic with a young boy of ruddish complexion and Romanic nose> who reminded be of an 1868 portrait by the Hungarian artist Ivor> Krackoneov> He was diligent in his handwashing post dip and how I longed to repeatour> marine sejourn'>> Anyway should I a) Go or Not> b) wear Speedos or Arenas.

Miles

The Knitting Circle

Thank god I won't have to up-load your dribble any more. Nice knowing you all. bye bye.



http://theknittingcircle.blogspot.com/ RIP.

Once again

Due to a displinary case currently involving a few people here over somedodgy emails I am going to have to resign once and for all from the KC I must say its been a pleasure 'entertaining' you all over the last 5 yearsor so but all good things should come to an end Feel free to contact me via my home address which ismiles.grinter@btinternet.com. So its bonjour for now !

Niles

A friend in need is a friend indeed!

Having been tripping the light fantastic for the last few weeks andabdicating from chief muse on the knitting circle it has been as quietperiod for the knitting circle of late, however I have some breaking news My mother has a new 'friend'. Nothing sordid just an acquaintance. He is animpresario specialising in local am dram productions where overacting andfrench blinds are de rigeur as props. Hes currently involved in postproduction of a play at the Anvil in Basingstoke. Theyve been on a fewluncheon dates and now despite her insistence that hes a friend there issome hope that he will appear from behind a pillar on her forthcomingcruise round the Med This chap seems financially very well endowed. His ex wife died in a jetski 'accident' and luckily he had a very large life assurance policy out onher so that certainly helped He has 2 sons ones in the Army and is currently stationed out in Germanyand the other son bats for the other side and runs a Dog Training school inGerrads Cross with his partner They have had a couple of dinner dates but he has now arranged to take heron a helicopter flight around Box Hill Ive told her to take advantageous of his generosity after all hes only 45years old so has plenty of life in him yet. Apparently he looks like GeorgeClooney well I say George Clooney I mean Donald Trump with long greyinghair Anyway Im off to Brussels for a couple of days so TTFN

True Story

At the weekend we were having afternoon at a very exclusive Manor inHampshire. However, looks can be deceiving. Firstly the tea waitressmanaged to spill tea everywhere. We were then given a guided tour by theconcierge of one of the rooms. However as he opened the door and this istrue there was a bloke naked on the bed I have never laughed so much. We were then shown one of the suites but he failed to turn on any lightsso we were in complete darkness One of the bedrooms we were in had stuff everywhere including a mirrorcovered in dust and a pair of boxer shorts hanging off a lampshade It was just one disaster after the next. To make matters worse the placewas run by over attentive Zimbabweans which if you have heard their accentis even more annoying than South Africans if thats possible Went to church on Sunday family service a verse from Matthew was read out.The Gospel of Matthew presents Jesus as the promised Messiah, the King ofthe Jews. Matthew was a Jew, hired by Rome to collect taxes in Capernaum.He was also known as Levi. Jesus called him to be an apostle. The Gospelof Matthew is a lot slower paced that that of Mark who presents Jesus as athe powerful suffering servant of God I am helping out at Sunday School next week by taking a group of 18 yearold girls out on a swimming trip .

Norris

Ken

I saw big beefy Ken last night well not so beefy now. Hes lost 3 stone nowways 14 stone 10 . Nice chap laughs nervously at everything you say. Couldbe mistaken for being a shirt lifter but isnt . Pam would be so proud ofhim apparently Anyway, my mothers got a new male friend a theatre director at WindsorRoyal . I met him last night, received pronounciation Olive Chords and aflaring of the nostrils - could be a twitch. Hes asked to take her to oneof his productions but she want s to drive herself, keep it friendly nottoo personal like Presentation was awful at the church last night given by a 28 year oldSandhurst lesbian all she was interested in was the awful sleepingarrangements. the chicken in the basket was cold and I didnt get time to dome Yoga talk as she went on for so long I did make some enquiries about becoming Treasurer of the church alwayshandy to keep an eye on church funds.

Miles

Vic

Ive just been on the phone to the vicar who was otherwise engaged taking abunch of thallidomides on a go karting experience but his secretary and Iwere talking and Ive been roped into doing a presentation at the churchhall on Yoga and its connnection to a higher divinity The only spiritual level I have reached at at Yoga session is seeing someold bags G string as she assumes the lion pose..so we may have a problem I have to keep this people sweet though theres a couple of hundred poundsin the float which I ve got my eye on !

Pompus, opps pious

To compliment my new pious look I have grown a full beard. Its something tohide behind when your sifting the church collection into your pockets of aSunday and also gives the appearance of being very earnest . Remember thevicar in Room with a View Its a good talking point when your in the church hall after the servicestuffing your face with custard creams when the church warden remarks youhave some crumbs stuck to your face. Gives a chance to badger her about thetatty state of the hymn books, not forgetting the rotten pews Anyway , not content with attending a service I have decided to attend alecture hosted by doo gooders in Iraq tomight at the Memorial Hall. Its achicken in a basket affair including a glass of Bucks Fizz while 4lecturers bang on about how they found salvation whilst being bombardedwith shrapnel in the Gulf No doubt theyll be another collection Anyway the vicars wife is an accomplished artist. Shes very abstract . Thepaintings look like theyve been done by someone in advance stages ofParkinsons disease, however they sell for thousands of pounds Not a bad life really he gets a free house while he spreads the word andhis wife lounges around drinking Earl Grey wafting her paintbrush around Im in the wrong job !

Miles

I am becoming a bit more involved in the Church recently. I attended thechurch fete and was in charge of the Tombola stand handing out bottles ofcheap wine to the lucky winners However, I decided to have a butchers at some of Mat Mark Luke and John. Idlike to big up John but the others a re bit namby pamby for my liking Whose your favourite or are you old skool The other thing ids I get confused one minute we are in Jersualem the nextPaul is chatting to the Romans - where in Rome? Jerusalem? John told a story about Lazurus coming out of a cave after he had died allbound in cloths and looking puzzled Are these real true stories of the time like Britney Spears falling out ofa car flashing her undies in todays world or are they fables told by verycontrolling folk whose desire was to bring folk together in unity Truth is it dont matter becuase the church brings so much joy to peopleslives and its doesnt matter if the stories are a load of old rubbish theyhave moral undertones which lead people to live better lives. Ultimatley weall die in the end anyway - so keep singing.

Question?

Whilst Im on holiday could you ponder on why its de rigeur for lesbians tohave short finger nails. Is it because most of them work as mechanics andthey dont want dirty nails ?

Miles

Sausage

Re the attached the Germans are a such a funny bunch. They must have loadsof wastage from this place but zat is not the ze point you must eat it alland be sick for zats how crazy us Germans are Ja.

Frank

Sax

I decided to get a saxaphone serviced at the weekend so was looking on theinternet for company who might be able to clean the mouth piece when I camacross a website called www. easy come eay blow.com Well it certainly wasnt what I was after some of the things on this sitewould do more than tune your mouth organ

Death by......

My Holistic practioner was telling me this morning that he saw a sign in his local funeral directors saying that there was a company who could makea fake diamond ring out of your desceased ashes Can you imagine it ! Obviously someone some where has a sick sense ofhumour It must cost a fortune as well.

African Magic

My mother has a new friend Freddy the Ghanian. Hes a bit of a whizz kidwith a PC and has been round the house and reformatted her PC. It now runstwice as fast He now has access to all her banking details , has deleted all of Fionasdating website info(which Im sure was slowing things down) and has beenround the house for a cilli con carne meal TWICE More worringly she has changed her email name to PAMALA is this an attemptto sound more african to fit in with Freddy. Im just a bit concerned that loud clothing and an african headscarf are onthe cards to follow. This happened to a friend of my grandmas Loretta shemarried an Egyptian in 1978 and ended up going a bit bonkers she onceinvited us round her bungalow for tea an attempted to do the foxtrot withmy father singing 'Im living on the edge of insobriety and life is one bigjoke' Its a bit like those big fat aunts you had as a kid who used lavendar talc.one swift movement by them and you were covered in white dust looked likeyoud been sniffing coke.

Miles

Question?

It must be the the private parts of a lady boy ? Isuggest you get your newly found fan club to find outfor you
Andrew

Question?

What is a Mangina? I was watching a behindf the scenes documentary on Catsand one guy said take a look at my mangina ? Now Im pretty au fait with most of your coloquilisms but Ive not comeacross (if you pardon the pun) this one before Is this the kind of language one can use in front of the vicar ?

Miles

Yoga David

B8LLS, the knitting circle represents a consderable cross section of views and original opinions, whereas you mate Dave can only spew clap trap from radio four and out of date A level history books. Really Miles your so very easily affected by these p0nces you meet during your tantric yoga sessions. No doubt you, lynsey and David et al are at it hammer and tong out on the patio of an evening pretending to be Sting and Trudie Styler. You know what people say about folk who have pampus grass in their front garden, pass us the ash tray here are me car keys. B0ll0cks to the lot of you. High brow my a**!

Nathan

Yoga David

Yoga David has sent me a copy of his blogspot certainly looks a little bitmore high brow than our knitting circle. However Ithink it revealssomething about him ie that hes clearly bang up for a bit of male artnudity. Ill be more careful in my shoulder stands going forward.

Miles

Old School Tie

The attached webiste is owned by my old Art teacher at school who was a bitof a cross between Timothy Claypole (Rentaghost) and John Duttine (actor)read his profile its very funny especially the bit about 'fiscal probity'and 'personal conflicts' and the fact he likes his 'creature comforts' towork in a calm ordered environment otherwise he has a habit of stabbingsomeone The art work looks like the sort of rubbish you buy in Athena with slightNazi undertones. Id be interested in your feedback.

Miles

Kunna and High Blood Pressure

The Kuna people of Panama are said to drink up to 40 cups of cocoa a week.Scientists believe that cocoa is great for prevention of many diseasesparticulallryhigh blood pressure I havent had a bar of chocolate for months but today I bought a Green andBlacks small bar of over 75 percent cocoa content dark chocolate and thatis the key you must buy it with a high cocoa content for it to bebeneficial So my question to you is before you go to bed do you nornally have a mug ofdrinking chocolate which is full of rubbish additives etc or a nice cup ofcocoa much better for you Usually myself after a few rounds of sun salutations and a bit of obsessivehandwashing I have a few sips of ionised water a few pages of Proust and Imout like a light.

Norris

That time of year

For our annual payrises. I got mine today slowly nudging on the 65K mark -bit of a pain in some ways so much goes on tax you probably better earningaround 40K for the amount of tax However its not about how much you earn its about job satisfaction (mindyou Im not sure how satisfied Id be on 40K ) Worth thinking about though when you go for your next job think overallpackage rather than salary. Think about what your doing day to day and isit worth all the stress for another 5K.

Miles

Joke

Gynecologist's Assistant Opening/ Best joke of the month A young man goes into the Job Center in Jacksonville, Florida , andsees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. ? Interested hegoesto learn more. "Can you give me some more details about this?" he asks the guy behindthe desk. The Job Center man sorts through his files? And replies - "Oh yes hereit is: The job entails you getting the lady patients ready for thegynecologist.You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down andcarefullywash their genital regions. You then apply shaving foam and gentlyshave offall their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so that they're readyfor thegynecologist's examination. ? There's an annual salary of $45,000, butyou're going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. ? That's about 620milesfrom here." "Oh why, is that where the job is at?" "No sir - that's where the end of the line is!"

Miles

Salitiare

I went to Saltaire at the weekend which is famous for having a very largemill built by Titus Salt he built the mill and homes for the mill workersnext door. It is now closed but houses a fancy art exhibition by DavidHockney One of the people I was with bought one of these art books which containeda large number of photographs. I asked what the purpose of this book wasexpecting an answer along the lines of 'It would make an interestingcoffee table book' but no this was the reply and it is absolutely pricelesssay it in a Yorkshire accent to yourself 'Its something to ave a look at when your ont pot' This was said over luncheon I nearly choked on my kedgeree.

Nancy BOY

Feedback

Sounds like she is trying to impress you. See what sheis like on the domestic front. A bit of housework andcooking never hurt.

Andrew

Hareem

I now have a little hareem of Indian girls working for me dont get excitedtheres more moutaches and facial hair than a mans barber shop singingquintet. However, I asked one of them to write a functional specrfication.When I reviewed it she had done all the code changes as well and suggestedoptions etc etc shed even passed it to her offshore people for reviewbefore bringing it to the table I was impressed she may be trying to pull the wool over my eyes by gettingsomeone else to do the work and pretending she is doing it but if I hadgiven this to soem of the muppets here it would have taken them weeks Aside from the facial hair, odouress breath they are a pleasure to workwith

Joke

> Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man picks up a crate of> Stella and sticks it into the trolley>> 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife>> 'They're on offer, only £10 for 12 cans', he says>> 'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on> shopping...>> A few aisles later the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and sticksit> into the trolley.>> 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the man,>> 'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says>> the man replies... 'SO DOES 12 CANS OF STELLA AND IT'S HALF THE FU*KING> PRICE'

Feedback Part Deux

I challenged him on this and we have agreed that I do listen but dontappear to sometimes not all the time but sometimes So next time when I see you do remind me if I appear not to be acknowledingyou Im glad thats cleared up.

Miles

Feedback

I have just had some feedback to me that I dont listen and showacknoledgement of listening. There is a reason for this the comment wasmade by someone who talks incessantly about a load of old rubbish and I endup switching off I need to address this though and feed back my comments. I have a shortattention span weith boring people and probably show it. It doesnt helpthat I look away and start doing the crossword but theres only so much lipservice you pay to those in higher positions. I made it a rule of thumb that I wont put up with dominant people who hogconversations dont listen to you. I think its just as rude to do this So 14 Down - Town in Shropshire

Oxford

I was up in Oxford over the weekend taking some people round for the firsttime. I told them before hand it was a boring place but they insisted wehad to go. Well we did a quick tour of one of the colleges on the way getting aneyeful of some young rugby players t0ssing a ball to each other all chappedlegs and quaffed hair and by then I was cold and bored so suggested goingto the pub Well on the table next to us were a couple of Fops all long hair trendysuits discussing Shakespeare. You could tell they were from rich stockslightly inbred features a mass of hair and a plum the size of a grapefruitin their mouths. You could imagine that their forefathers all attendedOxford and ended up in India working as editor for the Times out there I dont see these folk as pretentious thats what becomes of you if you areeducated at top public schools and go to one of the best Universities. Itsjust naturalto them I did try and speak to them however they had to dash as one of them had asudden inspiration to rush back to his dorm and type up a critisim onDantes Inferno We howevrer ended up being chatted too by a Pakistani chap who claimed 'itwas nuffink to get into Oxford' He claiemd to be studfying there but it wasa little suspect (especially since he had failed to cover up his Superdrugbadge) In summary I was rather envious of the 2 fops who could just lounge aroundall day taking it ever so earnestly that the role of Caliban in The Tempestwas a depiction of good and evil. They had their whole career ahead of themand no doubt it would be a floursishing one Still they havent got a nice new mini have they ?

Millie

Face Lift

My mother has just called me to say that a friend of hers has just had aface lift. I always say you cant polish a turd but this woman is intent onturning a sack of spuds into prime beef You see the thing is she used to be really into tanning herself and layingin the sun and now shes about 75 years old it looks a bit like leather.People keep telling her to smile but shes obviously not happy within andonly when you raidate purple like others I care not to mention can youreally be happy Blocked Chakras is the cause its an old chinese belief that if you have ablockage your energy centres are not balanced and you therefore are indisequilibrium You can spend a fortune on facial scrubs, back waxes homeopathy and all butif your putting junk in your body then its pointless. Its like washing youcar every day but feeding it diesel when it needs four star You need to sort out the engine room before you can have all the extras Thats why Im all up for a bit of colonic - flush it out at source dontknock it till you try it !

Sore throat

Well I have a sore throat my fathers 4 year anniversary was a couple ofdays ago and my mate who had the cancer has got it back but thats about it I was at work in a meeting until 5:30pm and wouldnt have got into Londonuntil very late. In future Ill have to arrange to leave work earlier Polite yes but they dont listen to you they have a trendancy to want totell you their life story whne you eventually get to say something theyjust say ' Wow thats great'

Miles

Fiona

Fiona just text me to say that her new date Scott has just text her to saythat he works for Eddie Stobart trucks(who apparently insist that alldrivers were a collar and tie) . To quote he said to her 'Blinding night on saturday treacle your bruvvers a top notch fellah n all.Ive booked a window seat in the Little Chef on the A1 for saturday nightgot a drum kit and a few amps to deliver to a Supertramp reunion gig inHatfield and I was wondering whether you fancied a bit of nosh during mebreak' I told her to go for a laugh,although Im not sure how Mohammed will takethe news they are a very possesive lot and I think a Fatwah could be on itsway either than or Turkish delight in the post laced with rat pioson. Mindyou I think she went fo rthe right choice it was either Trucker Scott or anumber of dodgy looking East Europeans dressed in Diadora tracksuits and anuneven number of tooth fillings Anyway on a more serious note I was chatting to the neighbour across theroad the one with the stolen Porsches and I put my foot right in it They were due to move recently and I asked her if they were still moving.Apprenmtly when we were on holiday and this is completely true her husbandfell through the garage roof and slammed 15 feet head first into theconcrete garage floor he has brain damage and is slowly recovering but theyhad to have a helciopter land in our close and take him to Oxford.Apparently the road was closed in Wokingham for some time. My mother hadmentioned this to me bu t I assumed it was someone in the area not a directneighbour I was a bit embarrassed needless to say

Fiona

Nothing Nancy you know what Miles is like. I did meet a man on Saturday but he isnt my type I just took his number to not sound rude but I wont be phoning him.

Fiona

she dumped him this lorry driver taken his place - he mixes with the famousapparently, well he drives their equipment round for them.

Miles

Fiona

What happened to Mohammed?

Nancy

Fiana

We were all out painting the town red on saturday and Fiona has met a newman. We initially thought he was a doorman dressed in a long overcoat butit later transpired that Scott was a lorry driver who when he found out Iwas her brother said ' Hello mate you in this IT game n' all Your sistersblinding , f**ckin blinding' Anyway hes given her his phone number and rang her last night hes got a jobon goinf down to Eastbourne and has arranged for a 3 course meal in histruck. Once they ve had the reheated meat pie out the service station hecan just pull the curtain across and show her is tacometer Not sure what Ashook over in Luxor will say still he doesnt need to knowkeep a couple of balls juggling at the same time

Fiona

We were all out painting the town red on saturday and Fiona has met a newman. We initially thought he was a doorman dressed in a long overcoat butit later transpired that Scott was a lorry driver who when he found out Iwas her brother said ' Hello mate you in this IT game n' all Your sistersblinding , f**ckin blinding' Anyway hes given her his phone number and rang her last night hes got a jobon goinf down to Eastbourne and has arranged for a 3 course meal in histruck. Once they ve had the reheated meat pie out the service station hecan just pull the curtain across and show her is tacometer.

Miles

Lightening the load

Its been a week of heavy debate this week hasnt it weve touched on thesensitive subject of the death penalty. I was having a conversation withone of the Muslim chaps here he got very animated about the burden of proofin Islamic law. I think I might have hit a raw nerve better not push toomuch What Im more interested in is there is a fellow in India who is a Yogi wholives upside down on a permanent basis . He is worshipped among his crewand believes that ridding himself of impurites by being upside down is theway forward. Must be terrible when he needs a number 2 Anyway each to their own Im currently got a new woman on my team Durgesh isthe name she s very pleasant actually in fact most of the offshorecontractors are . I like their subordination they way the open doors foryou and are so polite. Its actually a way of making you feel at ease beforethey eventually take over our jobs They are shipped in in the morning from Slough in these huge taxis. Itmust be great earn a fortune over here and when they go home just gobonkers buying cricket gear However, I have a conference call later today with india and Ive goit atranslator coming along -0 I can see a scen from the 2 Ronnies coming along

a recent execution in Iran saw the victim flogged 100 times before hand.While this was going on someone stabbed him he then was hoisted to a cranewhere death is not immediate. One of the victims inlaws was allowed toplace the noose round his neck Thats the way to do it, bit of audience partcipation more interactive In years to come this sort of thing will be televised in the UK and youwill be able to place bets etc We live in a foul world.

Hari Krishna


Millie

Junkies

I'm sure ther are enough Junkies in jail to find a decent vain.

Norma

Hang Him

I saw a program with Michael 'come find me in the bushes' Portillo where hewas examining different methods of execution. The best way is pure nitrogenapparently send you into a sleep. There was a hanging expert on there whoclaims the US use different measurements to determine rope length etc -Saddams brother lost his head as the rope was too long Under the oath of practice doctors are not allowed to adminster the lethalinjection it has to be carried out by tenchnicians who are ofen badlytrained and dont always get it right leading to the patient being in pain Whatever happend to the guillotine that was a cracker.

Socrates

As the great philospher Socrates said 'Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writings, so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for ' I have finished that existential nonsense and am now reading James Frey - A million pieces. A non fiction book about a fellow hooked on drugs and alcohol in a rehab centre much more my cup of tea Socrates also said that

Weekend

Had a bit of a strange one saw that Cirque du Soleil sat night on the trainon the way home there was some girlereading The Eliad by Homer to hergreasy looking boyfriend whatsmore this was supposed to be in a quietcarriage Yesterday, bit of Asthanga Yoga then I decided to befriend someone on DeathRow in Florida. Yes Billy Ray Silva has been on death row for 18 yearscharged with 1st degree murder with a bit of mindless butchering. It hasbeen bugging me for some time though that these people need support. So Ivepopped him a note telling him about my last holiday to the States and all the wonderful sites, food and drink we had This was followed by some very exquisite food prepared by Lindsey and anArgentinian film which we got free with the Independent

Firstly, I supprised to hear that Miles can read as I've never known him to do so and in the past as he has always favoured picture books, but thats by the by.

The stunning news is that the Knitting Circle blog has after four years hard blog had 3000 hits. What an achievment and reading through the entries we have covered many diverse topics and I think I can safely say we qualify as a slice of 21st century social history. Keep up the good work. Although I should say less is more, rather than feel the length not the quality. Well done.

Freda

Albert Camus

Inm currently reading the Outsider by Albert Camus a French AlgerianPhilospopher. Its the story of a man in Algiers who leads an ordinarybatchelor life and then commits murder and then goes off on a hugephilosophical quest(not got to that bit yet) The thing is its translated from French and its so self indulgent I reckonI could write something goes a bit like this 'I awoke this mornig feel tired and emotional I lit a few cigarrettes inbesd and had a coffee. I spent the morning leafing through old photos ofmyself as a young boy I had some coffee and another cigarrette and theMarie phoned but I wasnt ready emtionally this day for her I glared outowards the ocean and a ships mast in the wind which reminded me of myselfand me and more of me so I had a bath to cleanse my mind so I could be moreself indulgent' R*ddy French make you sick dont they

India

No his family live in Dehli however he has a twinkle in his eye and methinks he might like a lick of the cat or 2. I now need to invoke Plan Band persuade my boss to let me go time to turn up the charm

India

He was clearly after a free trip to visit the family, in which case he'd have probably left all of the work to you. Which would have been his first big mistake considering that you had no intention of doing any other than under the watchful eye of the local Yogi from the Pune Memorial Yoga Club. Never mind you'll just haved to make do with Yoga David and his baggy leggins.

Nancy

India

After a 2 hour meeting yesterday looks like the India trip is a no go. Theyare now bringing someone over here who can be trained and act as a conduitbetween the Uk and Pune. The original idea was to keep 4 permanent offshore people. If that had beenthe case they would have sent us out there but they cannot assure us of thesame 4 people each time so a bit pointless training them It was funny because the Indian PM was very keen to go over there, othershowever were not.

Miles

Wokingham v India

Im bored justifying it and wont be commenting any further on the subject.

Miles

India v Wokingham

I think that it was you who told me it was a bit of a dump after we spent the evening in a pub by the railway.

Nancy

India

There no need for anger. I am fully aware of the fact that Im a tourist andam there purely for leisure. Malaysia just didnt tickle my fancy on theEast Coast you cant even get a beer without some pretty tricky negotiationsand even then its warm Heineken KL was just like Reading on a saturday afternoon except sweatier.
I take exception to Wokingham being critisised yet again. I dont spend mytime running down the places you choose to live in. If you have supportingevidence that its a dump then please provide otherwise come over and Illdemaonstrate that the place is quite charming

Wokingham in March

I'd rather eat sick!!

Incident - again!

I was up in Birmingham at the weekend and had an altrication in a pub. I nolonger permit weird individuals on their own to but into my conversationand take over however, this old fellow decided he wanted to preach abouthow the world has gone bad and how he was in the marines blah blah blah I was obviosuly looking a bit disnterested and he made a comment like Youseem to be bored. What does your father do ? I decided to just look at him blankly no response. The girl I was withstarting saying 'O I think he was in printing' I interjected ' Why dont you mind your own business' This resulted in a tyranic rage culminating in us having to leave the pub.
That being said My mother went to a Bridge class last week and walked outhalf way through as it wasnt a beginners class as expected. Anyway theteacher actually phoned her up to find out what the problem is and is nowtrying to get her signed up for something he quoted as UC4 looking on thenet this looks like something to do with a leading tool for job schedulingso I think hes trying to con her. I got his name and had a quick search.This teacher is a member of the Quakers and hes trying to enrol her to join I have heard that they believe that within every human there is a sparkwhich they call God. Often they use the term 'inward light' to describe thespritual awareness. It all sounds worth joining partcularly as our localChurch is under repair for 6 months why the pastor humps around Australiawith his boyfriend.

Miles

KL - HK

London & the home counties are nice in March. You could stay in adreamy house in rural Wokingham.

Oliver

KL - HK

I take offence at that as I lived in KL for couple of years and I had a great time. True you didn't find a lady boy in your lap every time you sat down, but that aside I quite like Malaysia. The people are extremely well mannered and educated, they are mainly hard working and they know how to cook a pretty tasty curry. I have to say I have enjoyed many happy afternoons at the races in KL, having a quiet week in the Genting Highland losing my shirt at the Black Jack tables or walking the immaculate beaches of Kauntan.

Now I know that you’ve probably eaten deep fried locust from a street hawker in Thailand, but where’s the fun in that? But then you’re the sort of person who likes to call themselves a ‘traveller’. Personally I don’t really see the difference between ‘travelling’ and going on holiday as they both involve packing and aeroplanes, one has considerably more comfort over the other but thats about it. It’s just that travellers like to see themselves a something different, a little more in tune with the world as if they’re a little bit closer to the natives than the rest of us. Personally I’d rather stay at the five star Shangri-La than some rats infested beach hut just because I want to dance the night away at some poncy full moon party with a bunch of middle class twats.

India

Actually they are both dull stick to Europe

Miles

Honkers

Disagree. HK - dull, high-rise b0llocks. Penang - superb fusion culture withamazing food (try the night markets) and great architecture.

Enjoy!

Oliver

Dishwater

Hong Kongs OK but Malaysia is as dull as dishwater.

Honkers

I'm off to KL and then HK in March.

Nancy

Star Struck

I don’t get star struck, as you know, but got slightly (ok, ok, very – but it was brief) excited when Stephanie Beacham came in tonight, to be met by a universal blank look and ‘who?’ from pretty much every member of staff.
Followed pretty swiftly by everyone else in the building running around and saying ‘Tara Reid’s here’ with me gently doing the ‘who?’ thing in return.
Look younger than I am, which while preferable to the alternative, is still discombobulating in the extreme.

Shame.

R

Egypt - Again

And im off to Egypt in March anyone got a spare camel

Fiona

India

... & I'm off to Miami next month, so in order to blend in I may want toborrow one of your shirts, Miles.

Oliver